3. You were constantly compared to others
No matter how hard you tried, it never felt like enough. There was always someone she held up as better – a cousin who seemed more accomplished, a classmate who got more praise, a neighbor who behaved just the right way. You were constantly compared, measured, and found lacking. And over time, it stopped feeling like guidance and started feeling like a quiet, constant message: who you are just isn’t good enough.
4. Your appearance was a punchline
You still remember how she talked about your body – whether it was your weight, your clothes, or your hair, it never felt like enough. Sometimes her comments came wrapped in concern, other times they were plainly cruel. Either way, they stuck. Even now, when you look in the mirror, her voice is the one you hear – critical, dismissive, never satisfied.
5. She downplayed your successes
Most mothers light up when their child accomplishes something. But with her, success never felt safe. When you shared good news, she changed the subject – or found a way to downplay it. If you won something, she reminded you not to get a big head. Over time, you learned to keep your achievements to yourself. Celebrating felt like a risk and success felt like disloyalty.
6. She controlled the smallest parts of your life
She had a say in everything – what you wore, who you spent time with, how you lived your life – and her word wasn’t a suggestion, it was the final answer. Any attempt to push back was met with silence, guilt, or subtle shaming. Eventually, you stopped questioning her and started questioning yourself. The more decisions she controlled, the less you trusted your own.
7. Love was a reward
Her affection always came with conditions. When you did what she wanted, she could be warm – even tender. But the moment you stepped out of line, it disappeared. Sometimes it was silence, sometimes thinly veiled contempt. Over time, you learned that love wasn’t consistent – it had to be earned, and it could be taken away without warning.
8. You were a disappointment
You could never relax. Whether it was your job, your opinions, or your relationships – there was always a comment, a dig, a raised eyebrow. You were walking a tightrope, trying not to disappoint. Even now, you might find yourself bracing for criticism before you make a choice, because that voice – hers – still echoes in your head.
Lifelong damage
According to Verywell Mind, the consequences of emotional abuse “can result in permanent changes to the developing human brain.” They go on to explain, “These changes in brain structure appear to be significant enough to potentially cause psychological and emotional problems in adulthood, such as psychological disorders and substance misuse.”
The Mayo Clinic echoes this long-term impact, noting that “some children overcome the physical and psychological effects of child abuse, particularly those with strong social support and resiliency skills who can adapt and cope with bad experiences. For many others, however, child abuse may result in physical, behavioral, emotional or mental health issues – even years later.”
If you experienced abuse as a child, seeking counseling can help you break the cycle and avoid passing those patterns on to the next generation.
Child abuse is preventable – and often rooted in pain that can be understood and healed. You don’t have to face it alone. Reach out for support today.